united charlatans

Ar, in the wake up nuclear scares and viral infections. We're not as safe as we would like it to be. Well, if it sickens you, the only way would be to relocate to a swamp in the middle of nowhere in the middle of nowhere.

Of course, the world could be as scenic as Eden or as picturesque as a hearse. I don't think I would ever be able to commit to a single side of the picture. And certainly, not capable of loving anyone ever. We've all been on the receiving end of untoward events, and you would agree it taints the whole experience more than what a favorable event does to an unfavorable one. It just ain't the same anymore, you say. Ignorance is only bliss by choice; if you didn't know shit you wouldn't be feeling anything in any case. Which leads us to feigned ignorance, and it is just about pointless really.

emptiness and time, in true fashion

Every morning, I never fail to pass by the park without feeling the awe of it. Awe of what? As I push forward, the relatively slow pace of morning park life around me negates the brisk nature of my walk. I guess that the people who have any time at all are the elderly; they are mostly retired and are more at ease. Have you seen the morning face of the work force? Holistically. Most of us are just disgruntled and full of angst; we go to work in true monotone fashion and bitch about it for eons to come. Sometimes, even that may be rather tolerable, if only you have something to hang on to. That is if you have a loving wife, darling kids to come home to. Just something, no matter how small the attachment might be. But we must be reminded that we can also come home to a torn family, saddled with debts, with no love or warmth to seek comfort in. It carries forward to the next dreaded day and accumulate in the vat we call our hearts. Over time, the vat erodes and you wouldn't be able to recognize yourself anymore. And the great big question, what the fuck am I doing here?

Just a lil love, comfort, or respect to alleviate the pain. You see, it could all be easier. But we wouldn't slow down and pause to think for a nanosecond, about the things we do unto others.

how do you deal?

One week into my temp job. Every morning I observe the jostling and scurrying of the morning crunch time crowd. I always wonder how many of us can go back home, and say we're contented with how everything else is going along. Oh, how the years have shaped you.

Different priorities for different phases of your life. It could have been the race to the baggiest jeans around in your teenage years. I've gotta admit(sheepishly) I used to own a pair of JNCO jeans. It was cool to sweep the streets with your jeans back then. Then, the years peel off. It then largely becomes a fight to come to terms with things that may not always go your way. How do you deal, picking up pieces along the way.



Every now and then I come across a gem this beautiful.

Tugged the moon into the ground
Turned this bedroom upside down tonight
Took my faith and I breathed it out
Then walked right through a cloud of flashing lights
Bright lies.

Pain takes my heart's place
The love we made
We cant erase it
Don't wanna face it

Pitter pat, the angel on my shoulder
Is haunting me tonight
Tick tock, the clock is getting louder
Ready for me to decide

I've lost my sense of right and wrong
Well-justified my soul to carry on
It feels so damn good to write off the rules
But when a new day breaks
I'm left a fool
I'm such a fool

Pain takes my heart's place
But your sweet sweet love,
Oh, I can taste it
But still can't face it

Pitter pat, the angel on my shoulder
Is haunting me tonight
Tick tock the clock is getting louder
Waiting for me to decide

The sun is coming down on me
Could fate be so unkind?

Pain takes my heart's place
The love we made remains

hues of..

A long time ago I told myself I had to trot down to Holland Village, plant my ass there and read a book. With a couple of beers of course. I did eventually switched over to Starbucks and it wasn't half as bad.

As I called it a day, I was glad that in my godforsaken land there are little things still worthy of a smile, splashed right across the dimming evening sky.

this affliction

I would really lose hands down in a personality contest. I ain't the best I could be, I ain't acting the way I should at times. Though often troubled and contemplative, it would be something you wouldn't see in my face even if you stared for eons(maybe it's because I have an uncompromising jawline). This persona, I seemingly emanate only in cyberspace.

I guess it creeps upon like an affliction. The ability to process and the compelling urge for greater truth, is a blessing until it is not. Boy, am I frustrated by the dearth of answers at times. And we retard ourselves in the face uncertainty and untruths, acting irrationally. I've ever thought of penning it down, maybe like a book or something. The problem is, writers often have sight of the bigger picture. Which I do not have regrettably. My exposure and outlook lacks depth really, narrow and shallow like I sometimes am. Personality contest?

your track record is irrelevant

We're just too obsessed with track records. Mostly, it is irrelevant and obsolete. Maybe it is because we're universally hardwired to believe so. I've got shitloads of sporting medals tucked away in my cupboard right now and it doesn't even remotely say anything about me. Yep, the guidelines and SOPs are in place for a reason; to screen out potential individuals then cut miles of red tape. Sometimes it is easier to make a snap decision and move on. Of course, if your track record is irrelevant, companies wise to the idea would take the opportunity to capture certain traits and strengths of that individual. That is what counts; Larry Bird had court sense, Tiger Woods has sight. They are paid beacoup bucks not because of what they've achieved, but rather for the ability to reproduce results the next time round.

That is why we don't often hear the part about some guy making it big then losing it all. We only hear about the accomplishments because they are all to brag about, while the latter is hushed up and sunk. For every individual that scored big time, there are thousands of others that have failed. We've gotta learn to say "I don't know" more often.

ponder, pondering, pondered.

I wonder what's the main cause of my insomnia; pondering too much or pondering too much over what I've pondered. The only time I wouldn't have something to think about is probably when I'm intoxicated.

Sometimes the world is as crappy as it gets. Living in a place where effort is sometimes never recognized or rewarded. I've had friends telling me never to put in 100% less I can't pull out unscathed. But that ain't me and if someone should suffer for a 100% invested I would take it like I should. Which led me to realize that over the years, people would somehow find a way to let me down. It isn't attributed to a lack of effort but to a rather unfortunate string of events and crossroads. At the end of the day, that is the reason why some people are probably best left behind as memories. Because you could give it your all and still be on the wrong end of the order of things. Accepting bad calls and decisions that don't always come your way is a measure of your character really.

ridding

Some things happen and we're forced to grow up in ways. Sum of our experiences, I would have said. We would be sure to tackle the same problem in a different way the next time round, wouldn't we? It sure is taxing, and I've probably processed too much for someone my age. Now, you can't blame the occasional lament from someone, wishing he/she could turn back the clock. To the fairytale age where one is distanced from intricate emotions and human relationships.

Now, what do I wish for then? A house with a million dollar view would be great. So would reprieve.