dignified massacres

The issue of freewill and equality, is not definitive enough. Or rather it couldn't be. Sometimes, to lift the fog we superimpose on others. It is the same story echoed repeatedly, over and over again. Quashing the ideals of people you thought were different from you. Terrorism, religion, politics. You find the common denominator and you'll understand why equality is superficial, in the world where one tries to assume a position higher than that of another. To cite one example, reports of religious 'peddlers' outside schools are becoming more rampant. Its no different from peddling drugs really, because you are in fact trying to induce a different lifestyle in that individual altogether. It might be a minority tarnishing the image of their organization, but the society looks upon them holistically. What would we do, single out the peddler and subject him to public execution? It doesn't really work that way at times.

Individuals, singling themselves to be the creme de la creme of the society. They walk with poise, compliment every action taken as dignified. They are the ones that would probably squirm at a Nat Geo documentary of a cheetah digging into its prey. Because it is not dignified, they might say. Actually, note that we are doing the very same thing with a fork and knife. Plus, we coined what dignified means.

ta daaaaaaaa

This really ain't a milestone in the really cranky(mine) world of online rant-to-sphere but, it's the first photo I've put up.















I thought the lighting was great, and it compliments the food. Or rather, the lighting was the reason why the picture worked in the first place. So Steve Jobs, if you're looking at this, we need a better camera for the Iphone!

I've always liked photography, and I guess its the lack of effort to devote enough time for anything at all.

i mean, who wrote these rules.

What is it that people do most predictably, when they have no way of quantifying or justifying or even to marginally excuse themselves from a mess. Maintain silence, that's what most of us do. What are we, 16?

Maybe its the temper, the urge to know, that forms the overwhelming compulsion to push towards an eventual conclusion. Against reconciling and in the process pretending its A-OK, I chose to say the right thing. Maybe I'm the embodiment of Dr Gregory House(fictional of course); spouting cynical truths and alienating everybody else. I guess it must be noted that, you don't always get the desired outcome even if you do or say the right thing. Just because you aspire doesn't always mean you'll get it.

That might be the saddest truth of all. Sometimes, life is hard.

definitely, definitively random

So, could we count the number of things we've brought over from the last 5 years of our lives? Or rather, the things we've left behind. The only fun most of us would get 5 years down the road is most probably the twirling of an office pen. I'm not saying everybody else is as boring as me. I'm just saying that, you've probably got a bunch of equally insane fun loving peeps riding the waves with you a while ago. And now, we've got to act like responsible work driven adults to cover up the mostly irresponsible selves. Which is an admirable trait really, except that there is no end game. The things we do, the choices we've made. And that has led me invariably here.

You've lost connections, the ever transient youth, and even hobbies we used to love. Then it is clear why we seek the ones we used to love, pursue solutions to the aging problem, and preoccupy ourselves with hobbies. Covering grounds, plugging holes, and making up for lost time. Before we fall into dementia, we would try and bridge the gap. All this, in the middle of paying for health insurance, paying for all possible kinds of loans. You would probably go home to your huge ass TV and watch the news. Muscles you never knew existed hurt, and you become more knowledgeable medically speaking(because you think a certain condition might spell the end). Most of us don't see where all this is heading; I don't. Until you find comfort in a purpose, and in this infinite space, where could mine possibly be.

just one question

A lil walking, a lil running, and some music therapy to cleanse the poisonous fumes. Well, to some extent.

At times, I wanna fling away the blinds, open the closed doors. What's stopping me is one inevitable fact. Will they see what I see? If not, it's far too often then, the quick leap to conclusions. I don't seek to have all the wealth or wisdom in the world. But instead, to know the sole purpose and truth to it all before it all turns into ashes. Maybe I'll find a definitive answer tomorrow, or when I'm 60. You can amass all the power and wealth, stand tall, until you ask yourself what's next. Not knowing is heinous, and perhaps a sign would be comforting after all.

zip

Well, I've gotta stop the solemn posts, and talk about the lighter things like global and cosmos issues(expecting dry laughter). Had my hair cut short, and hopefully the fragments lay where they belong.

Now, to pick up things I've left along the way. Got pooped over a 1.8km run and I guess my mental health ain't the only thing that has suffered over the past few months.

compounding miseries

It's been what, maybe 2 days after my exams and I'm still kind-of lost. I'm always reminded of the constant fact that exams' not the only thing that's finished. In retrospect, it was always going to be a silly and immature affair. Now, your apologies and I'll never hear from you again.

So much for being cruel. I love how misery compounds.

eventual

My exams will end later, along with a whole lot of other things. Maybe I'm cruel to myself, or maybe I needed someone to be cruel to me. Torment and misery's my bread and wine. Executing it any better and it might actually turn into an authentic occupation.

"hey there! Here's my name card; I'm the tenacious tormentor and I torment myself for a living. Pleased to meet you."

living free

What is it like to live life chained and shackled? Conversely, can we live free with no regards for whatsoever? Some mighty gambles we take, individually and collectively. To go a hundred percent, to persist in that direction.

Sadly, when regrets set in, it is inevitable that we could only find ourselves in one place. The place where bridges burn. Had you known, I can be pretty sure you would not have started anything at all. An utter paradox though, because it would not be interesting and obviously daft to have our lives read out to us. And perhaps too silly to be harping on regrets that are one too many for a lifetime. I've walked the path with no regrets; I can only wonder if you did.

mash my heart, stick it in a blender.

Maybe its all part of natural selection. Or maybe I'm not even in the right frame of mind to make any deduction at all. I just think that there is a special reason why we are made to experience grief like it is. Overwhelming, intense and achingly so. And, a whole pile of fuzzy emotions I can't quite put a word on.

I've never been good at letting go. Everything stems from 感觉, and that has led to a whole load of silly and blind pursuits, with an outright blatant disregard for consequences. That was me, and I could say I was true to myself. I had to know if you could stay true. It's funny though, how we can make choices with comparable stupidity when we try to rationalize and weigh the consequences.

Consider the vagaries of the human race; an entire history with its fair share of irrational and bad choices made.


我不知, 感情能就这样溶化. 感谢你给的这段时间.

too much grief for a lifetime

Sometimes we have no idea what we do to each other with words. Things spoken out of spite, contempt, and sometimes grief. So today, I spoke with grief and you spoke with conviction. Words are what we use to inflict mindless damage at times. Used as a weapon, as an arm of your thoughts. To facilitate and manipulate an outcome. How can I be happy, when I walked out of your life like that. Merely a page flipped, a love lost, and a friend long gone.

when breathing hurts

I mean, why say things when you don't mean it. Perhaps it's the in heat of the moment, or it was spoken with careful consideration. But once said, it's irrevocable. And I'm left buried in the mud I've heaped upon myself. Are you reveling in great satisfaction derived from your awry ill-conceived sense of justification?

Sometimes, silence is hardly the best solution. Silence, at the expense of another. Because you believe it'll all go away like a good fairytale; you refuse to undertake anything that will take a toll on yourself. You want no change and you might be so caught up in it, without giving a damn to anyone else you might hurt along that lonely road. Until everybody who used to care, walks out of your life. Is that the status quo as you know it?

I've looked through your eyes, the vision that used to be forward looking.

You know, I've tried. You're just one of the many things that is out of my control.

It guess it hurts to breathe now, goddamnit.

scream, and my disdain

I have so much hate, I don't know where the fuck it's coming from or what the fuck it's about. I can't put a word on it. Some arguments, you know you can't win. So where would you channel the grieve instead?

5 years down the road, you look at the necklace and I wonder what are you reminded of. Angst, distaste, or a love long lost.

for all the wrong reasons

The order of things is such that, we move on to a better alternative given the chance to do so. But, come end of the world, you can be sure that people would stay behind for all the wrong reasons. I would. Hopes, no matter how shattered and battered and torn and painfully ludicrous, are all we hang onto sometimes. Grasping at thin air; it is asphyxiating and consequently a fool's game.

I never thought I would always be here holding on
Someone took my dreams and made them dumb
Nobody ever said it would be as hard as hell
Well you can run like hell until you come undone
If you're like me you'll be long gone

Chorus:

Hold me like a butterfly
Hold me like a dream someone else can drive
Hold me like a butterfly
Until the fears subside someone else can drive
Tonight

-

delectable bitterness

A mention of bitter coffee, black or sugarless and people would cringe. Because to them, life is savory and delectable when it is sweet. But it is not; sweetness may just as well be another silly masquerade for something less desirable. And so, I have my bitter conclusion as I've come to expect what's to be expected.